We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
