I wish I could punch you in the face.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize