Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
