You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
