In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
