5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
