Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
