Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
