I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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