there's paper in my vomit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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