she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
