I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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