wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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