I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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