i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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