Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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