if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
