Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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