I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
