i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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