please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
