I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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