dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
