I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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