If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
