i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
