i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
