I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
