if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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