Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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