did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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