lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
