Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
