I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
