Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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