I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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