My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize