Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
