just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish you could order shots online.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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