The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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