Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize