Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
