How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
