everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
