once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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