I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
