I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
