It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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