Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
