So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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