I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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