he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
