If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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