i already hear my dad disowning me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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