I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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