Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
