entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
