So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
