YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
pray to the hookup gods
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
