It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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