she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize