Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
