I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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