I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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