idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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