Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
