She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
