No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
