Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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