i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
