The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
