trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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