yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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