it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
