I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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