using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
