My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
