life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
