Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
