shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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